The Devil on My Back

Everyone has strengths. And everyone has opportunities to improve. I've been learning a little bit about my own... opportunities... since my Half. There is an opportunity for me to have patience, compassion, and acceptance for myself.

Last night I met up with a group of extraordinary Roanoke trail runners. And I do mean EXTRAORDINARY! They are positive, fun loving, hard running people. They run 50k's for fun, have multiple marathons under their belts, and have all completed an ultra or two... or ten. They are an inspiration and the model of health. Not to mention one hell of a resource when it comes to training tips, nutrition advice, and figuring out where the best trails are hiding.

But last night, I had a poor showing. A (tough) 6.5 trail run that I have completed 3 times previously kicked my butt.

I walked. A lot. And I hated myself for it.

"Everyone else is running, why aren't you?"

"This wouldn't be a challenge if you had kept to a running routine after your Half."

"So much for ever running a marathon at this rate."

I felt discouraged... when I should have felt great just for getting out there. I took a positive, awesome night and made it negative.

This week I had two coworkers come to me and share their new personal accomplishments. One ran 3.88 miles for the first time. It's the furthest she has ever run. Another PR'd when she ran 2 miles in 27 mins. I can blow them both out of the water... but that wasn't my first thought.  My first thought was, "I'm so proud of you for pushing yourself to improve! A new furthest distance is an accomplishment! So is a PR. Keep up the good work! I can't wait for you to hit your next milestone."

So why don't I pat myself on the back?  Why do I punish myself mentally? What on Earth makes me think I should be as accomplished after 7 months of running... as those that have been running for decades?

I feel as though... the further I come in my training, the more the world of running and health open up to me and I realize I still have a long way to go. But... it's not a race. I shouldn't treat it like one. I should enjoy the journey and look forward to the hundreds of milestones ahead of me. Why be in a rush to grow up? Why not just look forward to the best yet to come?

Because it's Relay season. And I'm working nights, weekends, 60+ hours a week... and its ok to be tired.  And the work, it work. The running should be fun - at any pace.

It's one thing to say it out loud: Lighten up. Enjoy the time. Embrace the people.

It's another thing to believe it.

Gotta shake this devil off my back.

I Fucking Did It! The Journey Itself...

I don't even know where to begin...

My morning started at 5am. And my race started and ended with tears. I was standing in my corral waiting for my turn to start my 13.1 miles trek and I thought to myself, "This is the coolest thing I have ever done. I never dreamed it would feel this amazing. And I never would have imagined myself anywhere near here 7 months ago. I have evolved. And... it's about time."

So I teared up. I was overcome with a sense of accomplishment and confidence in myself that is indescribable. And it lasted for the entire first 2 miles.

That first mile? It flew by! I thought, "that's a mile? this race will be over in no time..."

Ha! What a joke! It wasn't over quickly...

The first 5 miles felt great. My stride was easy, the weather was perfect, the adrenaline was flooding my veins...  I was digging the water stations and keeping a strong, solid pace. I was event taking time to enjoy the scenery and cheering spectators! Gave some four year old kid a high five as I breezed by...

Mile 8 hit hard. I got tired, real tired. And the tired struck around for the rest of the race. But like any real endurance runner... I snacked on some shot blox, threw back some water, and never stopped.

Mile 9 I realized I had to pee. But I though, "Nah... forget it! You're almost there... finish first!" Mile 11 there was a water station. As soon as I saw the water station? I think I wet myself a little. And I stopped to pee. Making my legs function again after that brief hiatus? Gumby has more stability.

But I kept going.

Mile 12 went a little bit like this, "This is the stupidest idea I have ever had. What kind of idiot runs 13.1 miles for fun? And those marathoners? OUT OF THEIR DAMN MINDS! They are fucking crazy. This is my first and last Half. Forget about it. I'm sticking to the 5 and 10K races. I'd walk... but it would take me longer to finish. So... I better keep running."

Then I saw a clock. I hit mile 13 and the gun time read: 01:59:14

What? You mean... depending on my chip time... I might hit my goal?

I don't know where the strength came form... but it came. And I rocked that last 1.1 mile to the very best of my very little ability. And crossing that finish line? Best. Feeling. Ever. Or it would have been, but I had to wait for the feeling to return to my body.

And it did. And I drank my 4 free beers. And I cried. And I dipped my weary feet in the ocean. Because I accomplished something great. Just for me.

And the best part? I PR'd with a time of 02:01:25.

98/98 It's Go Time

My run starts in... 9 hours.

What was I thinking? Do you know how long 13.1 miles is? REALLY long! We drove part of the course today... and I thought, "This is a long drive.... I'm running this? I'm insane." I have lost my damn mind!! Remember when I said I was going to finish in 2 hours? Let's make that 3. I might have to walk some. You know there is stuff here like... wind off the ocean. And LOTS of humidity. And heat! I just got used to the cold and now you want me to run in the hot sun? I'm not prepared. There is no way... And I have to get up at 5AM!!! FIVE O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING!!! Oh! And! With the sun and heat... comes a pollen count!! FML. I'm screwed. 13.1 miles? I'm crazy. Actually - scratch that - I'm only "Half Crazy" according to the folks at the Expo. The real crazies run the FULL marathon!

*deep breath*

I drove into  VA Beach under a rainbow.... That's a good sign. Right?

Even if I don't feel ready at this moment... my jersey is. And the people I am honoring/remembering and the awareness I am bringing to the fight against cancer is a win enough in itself. Right?

Even if its an epic failure... I got AWESOME swag. And its all about the swag! Right?

Fact: I've run 10 miles. What's 3.1 more? I can do this. I can finish. That's all the matters. I just have to keep telling myself that. Over. And over. And over....

Now I just have to try and sleep. *sigh* That should come easy....

97/98 - Thanks, Coach

I read something once about running that I loved, I don't remember what exactly it said.. but it was the along the lines of this:

Your trainer can't lift the weights for you. Your coach can't run your sprints. Only you can put on your shoes, rack up the miles, and make yourself a runner. You, and only you, are responsible for your success.

I love this! I love knowing that I put every single mile on my shoes myself. That I earned every PR and long run mile benchmark. It feels amazing! But... the truth? I did have help. I was spoiled with lots of coaches from the very beginning and they've never given up on me. So... with my Half a matter of hours away... I need to give thanks.

The Prologue:

This journey truly started in a very dark places over 6 months ago. It started with me at my lowest. Not sleeping. Not eating. Not happy. My journey to this Half started with my coworker, surrogate mom, and friend, Loni Beir, force feeding me and dragging me kicking and screaming to Zumba. That awful... painful... and mortifying first class was the catalyst to the greatest transformation I've ever experienced. Thank you, Coach Loni, for knowing exactly what I needed and investing such genuine kindness in me.

I left my first Zumba class and cried. But before I knew it? An addiction came swiftly and I succumbed without hesitation. The instructor had a lot to do with it. Sarah Bremer of Just Dance Roanoke shows up to class with one goal: Have a party. And we do - Every time! But it's more than that. We all learn confidence and develop strength. One day that she did a Tough Mudder because she didn't think she could. And she challenged her class to do the same: push yourself. I signed up for my Half the same day. Sarah taught the confidence, inspired the desire, and gave me just the excuse I was needed to start this crazy journey...

The Warm Up:


Not every day was a fun run. There were and are lots of days where I was tired and that feelings trumped my need for endorphin. Each time I hit the wall? My amazing sister Lee LeBoeuf was there to say, "Kate...  just go run." How do you say no to someone you love as much as a sister? Lee got my butt off the couch several times and provided the encouragement I needed at the very beginning before I was ready to 'go public' with my adventure. When someone you admire and look up to as much I do my sister tells you they are proud of you? You can never stop.

So I started running. And I started telling people I was running. And Amanda Taylor told me she thought it was great. She got up early on her days off to accompany me to the track. She distracted the annoying old man that kept trying to talk to me despite the headphones. She reminded me that my training was a priority. She has believed in me since Day 1 - even when I didn't believe in myself. She holds me accountable and acts as the greatest cheerleader! And since SHE started working out? She weighs about as much as a cheerleader.... 50 lbs? She is a size zero.

The Long Run:

But in addition to a cheerleader, I needed inspiration. And Ruth Ebrahim was just the ticket. Ruth is a fantastic runner, a kind friend, and a true coach. Encouragement from a talented runner who admire instills confidence and refuels one's determination. Ruth has done that for me countless times. She has answered my technical questions, contextualized my progress, challenged me to match her pace, and introduced me to a fantastic group of friends. I have previously mentioned the Rockstar Runners of Roanoke in my blog. But I'm not sure they know that they tripled the amount of relationships that I have in Roanoke. Or provided the foundation of most of my running knowledge. Not to mention... I think they are as excited about my first race as I am! Enthusiasm is contagious and with their support and well wishes... I can't help but feel very proud of my accomplishments.

Except on the days that suck. When the asthma is pronounced and the toe is inflamed and I want to quit. And I've had several of those days. But I know that I can push through them because Bethann Wilkie pushed me to find out exactly what I am capable of doing. And I am capable of running through asthma, cold, and tendinitis and still getting to work on time. Bethann, an accomplished runner and coworker, told me that even when she isn't in top shape - she still knows she can run for days because she has done it once before. I think of those words and the runs that she has seen regularly when I approach the wall. It's those little kindnesses that make the difference.

I am very fortunate to be surrounded by people who show me that kindness on a regular basis. All the folks that asked for a link to track my progress on Sunday. My coworkers. My neighbors. Those of you who donated and sent messages of luck. Those of you who have a connection to cancer. Those of you who asked, "what mileage are you up to now?" Thank you. It may have seemed simple at the time... but it meant something very significant to me.

The Finish Line:

I guess it comes down to this. All the sweat and blood and tears belong to me. But the finish line belongs to a lot of folks. And I'm a firm believer that people are never thanked proficiently and rarely understand the impact that they have on others. But they should. And I want you all to know what an important part you have played in this journey of mine. This very meaningful and completely transformative journey for me. Thank you for enriching my life and making this experience... magical.

96/98: I Got My Bib Number!!!!!

I am getting emails EVERY day about the fast approaching race! I only have 2 more runs between now and the race... each no more than 20 mins. Holy cow!!! I have to admit... I know there are people out their faster than me. I'm going to be in the middle of the pack. And I'm just running a Half... not even a Full or an Ultra.. but... I started with 2 miles. And I've worked my way. And I keep day dreaming about how amazing it is going to be to cross a real finish line, in a real race, with the spirit of soo many people riding along with me.

Here are the highlights:

1. I have a Bib Number!!! 10074. My first bib number!! Its a good one. Right? Don't you think? I think its perfect. EEEeeeeeek!!

2. I've been studying the race map. It's not to complicated - I think I can handle it without getting lost or running the full marathon by mistake. And? It's super flat... there is a tiny hill, but let's be real: Shamrock ain't got nothin' on the Roanoke hills, knobs, and mountains that I bulldoze up. BRING IT! (I hope people around me complain so that I can feel even more awesome. Is that selfish?) And can we just note the ocean view? CAN'T WAIT!

3. I know you can't be with me on the course... however... you can bring the race to you! If you want, you can sign up to get emails or text messages with updates on my race progress!! How freaking cool is that!??!?! Click here and sign up for live results - you'll get an email or a text when I cross the start line, at mile 6, and when I finish. :-) Pretty neat, right?!?!?

I personally will be getting updates about my buddy BethAnn. She was my super fabulous running buddy at a Relay conference earlier this year and is a total inspiration for me. She is running the FULL Marathon and I can't wait to watch her cross the finish line in her green tutu!

5. These people are giving me free food and FOUR FREE BEERS for participating. What?!?! Don't they know what 4 beers would do to me normally - let alone after I run 13.1 miles? Hmm... it's possible I will need to find a DD home from VA Beach. Any volunteers? I'll share my Murphy's Irish Pub Irish Stew with you!

6. I got my race jersey and my In Memory and In Honor ribbons. I'm officially.... official. Now I just have to... run. :-)

90/98 Gulp. Time to Set Myself Up For Success

Holy. Shit.

My Half is in 12 days. That is less than 2 weeks. I have no more long runs until... the big one. It's so close! And only 8 more runs.... ONLY EIGHT!!! Two weeks ago I was ready. I had that glorious 10 mile run in the snow and couldn't wait to tack on the extra 3.1! And now it is soooo freaking close!

Panic ensue.

It is time to get serious. There is no more time for joking! There is no more time for walking! No more skipped runs or junk miles... they all count! Thinking about it make my heart race. More than a little bit.... so I came up with some rules.

For the next twelve days there will be:

1. A strict midnight lights out policy. May the Fairy God-Runner agitate my tendinitis if I stay up late these next few days checking email for work or goofing off on facebook! (Yes - in that order.)

2. No alcohol. Sorry, Amanda... you'll have to drink for us both.

3. Speaking of no alcohol... there is a 64oz minimum of water consumption each day. That's 2 Nalgenes. Minimum. Every day. (I should be doing that anyway. Oops....)

4. I'm already off sugar... but I'm ramping up the veg and trading in the Gatorade for Nuun. Carb loading starts next week.

It's go time.

What the fuck was I thinking?

2.29.12 What Would You Do With 1 More Day?

What would you do with 1 more day?

2.29.2012 is a gift. It is an extra day of life to spend... however we want. What will you do with your extra day?

1 more smile?

1 more hug?

1 more hello? 

1 more laugh?

1 more phone call?

What could we do if we all had just... 1. More. Day. To do something BIG! Something that would never be forgotten... Something that would save lives.... faster.

This year we have one more day. Today.

That's 1 more sunrise

1 more "I love you"

1 more birthday

1 more life saved

Imagine how powerful... 1 more day can be.

What will you do with your extra day? Let's raise $200 more... Today.

 Donate to the American Cancer Society. 

85/98 Wait, What Do You Mean To The Star?

I've been running with an amazing group of women on Thursday evenings - occasionally on the weekends as well. It has been on my to do list to blog about this awesome group but I haven't had the time. In the end, I'm glad I waited! You wouldn't believe what these folks put me up to tonight!

We ran up a mountain.

Yes. Up a mountain. Up an ENTIRE MOUNTAIN. 2 Miles - Straight up. Look at the elevation profile from our run:

I can assure you the run down is the only thing that saved my average pace. Because this girl? Did some walking up that beast. I think we all did! Oh, wait. Not all of us. Meet Ruth! She's a damn animal! She powered up this mountain like it was no one's business and didn't rest until she hit the star. Like a beast.

But each of these women is amazing in their own right. Lydia just had a freaking baby and then took the whole family to run an Ultra - she, her hubby, the newborn, and their toddler all crossed the finish line together. Beth's husband travels throughout the week and she still finds time to care for her kids, hit the gym, and is bring Girls on the Run to the Roanoke Valley - you know, in her copious spare time!

Did I mention they're all mom's? Well... except me! (Hmm.. perhaps I should start bringing the pups to these play dates? They act like kids. And they like kids. Chasing kids that is...gently!) But every Thursday we meet at someone's house and take shifts watching the kids and running. The kids think they are just on a play date. But they are also learning team work, nutrition, taking care of oneself, and the value of friendship from their moms (all of them!). It's amazing. Almost enough to make me want a kid!

I said ALMOST!! Let's not get carried away. I'm far too selfish for that nonsense...

Anyway, we ran up a mountain tonight.

To me, 3 miles translates to 20-30 minutes of running. And it is hard to picture in your head what exactly that looks like... so to help me out, I took some pictures.

The orange arrow indicates about where we started our journey...  The Star is where we ended up. It was astonishing to look down from the mountain top and see exactly how far we had come. It was even more amazing when we made it back down and pushed a few miles away from the mountain! But... I forgot to get that picture. Sorry!

Third, Second, and First to the top!
Ruth is an animal...

The whole group made it in one piece!

It was a great run. It was painful, challenging, a bear on my toe... and I am already anxious for the day I can make this run without stopping and take the whole 2 miles up without a breather.... just like crazy Ruth! But for today? I'm putting my feet up somewhere soft...

Oh and for the record? We call ourselves the Rockstar Runners. Feel free to address us formally. :-)

OHHH!! I almost forgot... my Half is right around the corner... and there is still time to make a donation! Please help me hit my goal!

When it is More Than Just Running...

My job is hard because in the Spring I average 60-70 hour work weeks. My job is hard because I drive upwards of 400 miles a week. And my job is hard because I grow to know and care for remarkable individuals who I would have never met otherwise... and I watch cancer turn their world upside down.

Last Friday I spent my afternoon in the hospital with a volunteer who was starting Round 1 of chemo. She is getting the "red devil" and already has her wig for when she loses all her hair over the next three weeks. Her husband is taking a semester off from grad school to care for her. She will finish chemo 18 months from now.

This week one of my students lost her grandfather to this disease. Tonight a second student lost his grandma. Their grief is palpable. I find it unbearable.

My job is hard because finding a cure is hard. And my job is hard because I can't stop cancer from wrecking havoc on the lives of those who mean so much to me. And my job is hard because there isn't a best practice or a fundraiser that takes away pain or grief.

But there are two things we can do.

We can run. Or walk. Or Zumba. And reduce our risk. Because I never want to meet the red devil nor put my grandchildren through the pain my volunteers are experiencing. I know that pain. I do not wish it on anyone.

And we can fundraise. Because whether it be through an experimental procedure, a magic bullet drug, or prevention... there will be a cure for cancer. And I want to know. Know. Beyond a shadow of a doubt. That I helped find it.

Because what else am I going to tell my students? My neighbors? My volunteers, coworkers, or friend? My family?

This is personal. Please fight back against cancer with me.

Will you make a commitment to your health? Put it in writing. In the comment section. Right now.

Or can you make a donation? Help fund research. Help fund a cure.

I'll work 80 works weeks. I'll drive 800 miles. I'll do whatever it takes. What about you?

78/98: This Body is Locked and Loaded!

I hit the big 1-0 today! We are in double digits, baby!!!

And, guess what my time was! Go ahead.... guess...

Let me tell you: 01:25:29

Oh! And did I mention it was snowing?

Can I get a HELL YEAH!!?!??

I was pretty excited... first thing I did was call my sister. #dork.

So where did this power run come from? I've been wondering the same thing. There have been lots of changes over the past couple weeks and I'm not sure where to attribute the credit. Here are some possibilities:

1. $11 socks. Yup. I spent $11 on a single pair of socks. Actually, I bought 2 pair. So I really spent $22 on 2 pairs. Outrageous, right? Yup. And crucial. These puppies are cushy on the bottom, mesh on the top, they hug my feet and are light weight at the same time. It's possible they are all I want to wear. It's a reason to run more than I already do... (I'm also addicted to gear, what I could do with some spare cash...)

2. No refined sugar, no fast food, no fried food, and mostly 100% whole wheat over other grains for a week straight. I know it's had an impact on my digestive tract....perhaps it has accelerated my training as well? It's a reason to keep up the Real Food diet for another couple months...

3. Hydration and fuel. When I was buying my $11 socks I learned from this kind lady at Fleet Feet that your body has about 800 calories to expend in a workout before it needs to refuel. That's about an hour or so of running... after which time your body starts to hold onto the calories and the energy because it doesn't know when it will be fed again. So today? I ran with a water bottle and Cliff Shot Bloks! I felt like a novice at first; like I had fallen for some trick. But, I have to tell you... once you figure out how to eat, run and breathe at the same time... I think it really does have an impact on your energy level and performance! And the chews were not only kind of tasty, but the closest I'm getting to junk food these days, so I'm in. Runs over an hour? I'm bringing fuel.

4. Rest. Per the doc I need to cut back to 4 days a week instead of 5. I'm trying to rest more and push myself less. On Saturday I didn't feel like running. I was tired. And I told myself, "Get it together, Kate. You want to take a day off? You're going to regret that when this Half kicks your ass and your time is over 2:10. What's wrong with you?" And then I paused... remembered that I had a long run the next day and had already worked hard this week... I took the day off. Instead I told myself, "Better runs will happen when I feel rested, fueled, and prepared. I don't feel that way today. But I can tomorrow if I get some sleep." So I did. And today was FABULOUS!

5. Hills and intervals. This week I've been pushing myself to take my interval training seriously and think less about time and more about elevation when I am able. The climbs are not so good for the foot but they are great for my stamina and my strength. And those intervals? They make you faster.

Wow... remember my first couple posts? 40 mins was a long run and 40 degrees was my asthmatic limit. I ran wheeze free in snowy 30 degree weather and my focus is on caring for my body in a way that enable it to push my personal thresholds. It's been quite the transformation and I still have a month to go!

75/98: A Booty Call or... The Intimates of Running

Butts and boobs. They matter.

What? You don't believe me? Let me explain...

I save special pairs of panties for my long runs. Yup. No shame here! They are the ones that don't bunch and leave me wedgey free for miles on end. Arguably not my most attractive pairs but possibly my favorites. Actually, I take that back. All my panties are adorable... but these are long run panties. Not first date panties. And my tush is grateful. Which is good. Because I've incorporated hills into my training.

Hills work entirely different parts of your lower body. Specifically your keister. A wise runner recently told me that hills can really increase your strength and endurance in a super concentrated way. I decided I was up for the challenge and have subjected myself to a lot of climbs. Including a slight slope that lasted nearly a mile. And can I just tell you.... My butt is rising from the dead!! Literally.

It's possible that running for time on flat surfaces has (in some fashion) diminished my hieney. So sad. But worry not! The hills have spoken and this girl's caboose is announcing its return - LOUDLY! I don't like sitting.... and I'm just praying my bodunkadunk doesn't appear as pronounced to the world at large as it feels...

Butt there's more...

(...pun intended)

I could have totally been a hippie. Dylan? Flower power? MLK? Free love? I'm ALLLL about it! But I have to draw the line at bra burning. Clearly those ladies were not training for any half marathons...

Take for example, the poor little navy blue sports bra I've had since the beginning of time. It serves me well in Zumba class and during my 20 minute junk runs. But take that sucker out for a 6+ mile test drive and you don't want to know where the rug burn appears! It ain't pretty. Or comfortable. It's actually a little embarrassing... Makes you wonder what kind of fool would blog about letting something so ridiculous happen to her!!

Wait... 

....damnit.

So I recently invested in a new sports bra. Sized like a bra, not like a t-shirt. The support? The security? My legs might not make it, but my boobs are ready for a marathon! This thing is GLOOOORIOUS!!! I need 5 more. (Which will render me broke... which is why I need your help fundraising!! Please donate here!) 

I have even retired my earlier habit of doubling my bra as a satchel. I used to shove everything in there! I mean, why not? My girls like to share... they kept shrinking and leaving plenty of room... why not? Keys? Inhaler? Phone? It fits! And leaves raspberries. Again: Not pretty. Rather uncomfortable. But with this new bra and an armband for the phone? Golden. Bring on mile 10 - I'm ready for you!!

74/98 - This is a Fundraiser After All...

So some people... besides my mom... actually read my blog! Holla!! So exciting!! And thank you. It feels like a  pat on the back and gives me the warm fuzzies. Thank you. :-D

But here is the deal. This is more than a blog:

1. This is about me taking control of my health and meeting a personal challenge to myself. I would love for this to inspire you to do the same. To run your own Half Marathon or even a 5k. To give up soda. To find out your BMI and improve it. To reduce your cancer risk. To make a commitment to yourself and follow through. It's satisfaction like you've never imagined. And I will help you - any way I can.  You have my word.

2. This is about supporting the American Cancer Society and fighting back against cancer. I've committed to raising at least $1,000 for the American Cancer Society - I'd like to raise $1,200. Because the ACS funds new and innovative cancer research that has resulted in 46 ACS funded Nobel Laureates and a footprint in every major cancer break through. Because the ACS provides free transportation to and from treatment for cancer patients. Because I know that my $1,200 will help save more lives like Oma's.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that this is a fundraiser. And I need your help. I need your support. Skip Starbucks this week.... donate the $5 you would have spent on coffee to my fundraising efforts. Please? Do you really need the calories anyway?

Here's is how I can sweeten the deal...

$100 Donation: I will dedicate a mile of my race to the person of your choosing. I will adorn my race shirt with their name and mile as well as post about it on my blog.

$25 Donation: I will wear a ribbon on my race shirt in honor or in memory of someone you know who has fought cancer.

$10 Donation: You can pick any song you'd like and I will put it on my play list for race day. Here is your chance to force me to listen to that Metallica song you love or the Bach concerto that changed your life!

$5 Donation: I will mail you an autographed photo of moi! To hang in your office or place under your pillow while you sleep. Because I know how fond you are of me...

So what do you say... ready to donate?

72/98 Yeah. That happened.

Shy: Umm... are you ok?

Kate: (collapsed against the door frame of the kitchen.) No. This is my 10th straight day of work. I'm just getting home after 14 hours. I've clocked 41 hours so far this week. I'm exhausted. Cranky as hell. And I haven't run since SUNDAY!

Shy:.... It's only Wednesday. 

Kate: Well. Sunday feels like it was three weeks ago. 

Shy: You should take a nap. 

Kate: I think I need to run. 

Shy:.... It's almost 11pm. 

Kate: I'll take a flashlight. 

Shy: You are stubborn. Stubborn. Try not to get mauled by a deer. 

70/98 Dear Body, Lock it Up

Before my Half I have 5 really long runs. Each an hour and a half. My goal is to get to 10 miles in that time. Today was attempt #3. It was my worst performance yet. I would have cried at mile 7 but that interferes with your breathing and would have been embarrassing in front of my running buddy. No, I'm serious. I felt the tears coming in my throat, started choking, and had to pull my shit together real quick.

This is how it went down:

This morning I was in Richmond for a Relay conference and determined to run. I woke up at 5:30 so that I could run my 1:25 before the conference got started. I should be proud of myself for accomplishing my furthest run to date: 9.54 miles in 1:31:11. But I'm too busy hating my body. Because it stands in my way and fucks with my head.

First - I forgot my inhaler. Turns out I still need to use that before I run. Welcome wheezing. I am accustomed to the discomfort of wheezing at this point but actually hearing yourself struggle to breath adds this terrible mental component that is hard to ignore or overcome. The only think you can do is drown yourself out with head phones but... that only helps so much. And when you have a running buddy... it can be considered rude.

Second - Still not 100% recovered from my cold. Welcome phlegm. It was dripping down my nose. Layering the inside of my lungs (the asthma assisted). Coating my mouth and throat. To the point that swallowing risked blocking my windpipe in this sticky mess and cutting off my air completely. It was like slim.  And coughing only meant a breathe lost. I'm not a fan of suffocation.

So breathing is out... at least I have my legs. Right?

Third - Tendinitis is still around. And it has evolved from a numbness to an actual pain. I find myself against my will favoring my left leg and attempting to put less stress and weight on the right. The pain embodies the entirety of my big toe and the joint that connects it to my foot. It didn't really dissipate until..... mile 8? I pushed through. I wasn't stopping. I wasn't crying. I wanted to do both - it just wasn't an option.

So I push through. I finish. I hit a new longest distance and I'm so close to 10 miles! I'm exhausted the rest of the day. My toe was on ice all morning and again when I got home this evening. The ice felt heavenly and really helped but I'm wondering if I should be running on it at all. My Half is so close I can't afford not to! Then it gets worse.

Fourth - My knees. The last couple of long runs they have announced their presence briefly before moving on to important things. They don't hurt when they are stationary... but... try getting off the couch to grab a beer during the ridiculous Go Daddy Super Bowl commercials and.... HELLLLLOOOOOOOOOOO KNEES! They are painful to bend.

I miss my shin splints. I can't begin to describe my frustration and disappointment in myself. Doesn't my body understand how much I want this? How much I need this. Why is this happening?

I guess I will try to see the doctor tomorrow. This will be trip #3 since the start of this journey. I have 2 remaining opportunities to hit 10 miles in 1:30:00.

Maybe I need to adjust my goals. Maybe I need to show myself more compassion. Maybe I need to up the ante and start lifting in addition to running. It is hard to say because this a personal journey. It's like an experiment without a control. Maybe I need to take up praying.

67/98 It's All About the Shoes!

Tonight was Day 2 back in the shoes since Tendinitis and I was really looking forward to sharing some pictures of me conquering the hill.. err... mountain outside my home. Like a champ! And then I realized that would be a terrible idea... Because while the 70 degree weather makes you forget that it is winter, my face is a fantastic reminder that Santa was just here. And apparently he forgot to take Rudolph home with him! Helloooooo puffy redness! It's possible the sight of me scares children under the age of 4. You might think I'm being superfluous but... I've seen myself in the mirror and am comfortable admitting I shuddered. Fabulous!

So instead... let's focus on the other end! Feet! I'm learning how to take excellent care of mine! I'm actually learning a lot about shoes. For example a "great" shoe is really a relative term.

My blue suede shoes for example are divine! But there is a strong chance wearing them up and down Bourbon Street for hours at a time contributed to the problems I'm having today. Pain for fashion is one thing - and I assure you the night warranted these beauties - but I think next time I'll show off my legs in flats.

Fortunately I have discovered a cure to Tendinitis. The Germans - Bless them. I'm not kidding! I just got my Birk soles replaced (Thank you Shoe Doctor! You do amazing work! And my dogs will keep you in business for years to come.) These shoes have made a world of difference. They provide excellent arch support - and even support under my toes! I swear all my healing happened from the moment I put these puppies on and not a bit before. And the sturdy sole? Protects my driving foot.

And the Birks make everything else possible! These next  babies are my life blood. They have been with me since the beginning and have nearly 300 miles on them. They are loyal, spacious, and... coming apart at the seams. I love them. And someone (most likely my doctor) will have to pry them from my cold dead hands. Do you know what these shoes have seen? Trails, mountains, beach, sand, lakes, tracks, NOLA, blood, sweat.... they are an extension of me in so many ways. I love them.

But I can't rock these forever. Eventually... I will need to retire them. Which means it is time to introduce a new pair and break these suckers in before they take over full time responsibilities! This is a nice blend of both worlds, really. They are as beautiful as the pumps... and as functional as my ADIDAS. Do they make you drool a little bit? It's ok, I did the same thing. Did I mention they were a gift form a fabulous friend and co-runner? Miss Ashley Dunaway from Atlanta. Of course she has taste! Did I mention they come with a nick name? Just call me Blue Lightening... 

Now we seem to have covered the gamut of shoes, yes? No, of course we haven't! Aren't you a girl? Shit... I could do this for days!! But I'm still sick and my 10:30pm bedtime is quickly approaching. So with bedtime, rest, and winter chills in mind... let's conclude with something comfy. A gift from Santa a few years ago... these lovelies have withstood the test of time and give my feets the warm and fuzzies they deserve after a long run.

Now if you will excuse me... my slippers and I have a date with the covers. Sweet dreams!

66/98 Hello Road, I've Missed You!

So I woke up this morning sick. Awesome! Actually, if I'm being honest... I felt it coming on this weekend and choose to ignore it staying up until 3 and 5 in the respective mornings. So despite retiring early last night my fatigue announced itself this morning with the grand gesture of ignoring my alarm and making me late to work. By the time I returned from work just short of 7:00 this evening... all I could think about was crawling into bed. But, if you remember correctly... today is also the first day I've been able to run in a week.

Fuck you sore throat and running nose! You will not keep me down! My body might be tired but... I'm doing this! So I strap on my new shoes, grab a flashlight, blow my nose, and hit the pavement with Mya in toe. It was... GLORIOUS!!!

You know that last bite of sundae that's slightly melted with the perfect proportion of fudge smothered all over it? This was better.

You know the satisfaction of a hot bath after a long day at work? This was better.

You know that nice romp after a dry spell in the bedroom? This was better.

Because a good run doesn't make you fat, make your pruney, and its lasts as long as you'd like it to at your preferred tempo. There is nothing better. It really was glorious. And my head? I wish you could hear my brain sigh in relief as the stress vanished into the dark night.

I would not have traded that 20 mins for anything! I even ran up my mountain! If you've been to my house in Roanoke... you should know that is no easy feat. Walking up this beast is enough to wind most! And I climbed it like a champ.

Ok so I'm still sick... and beyond exhausted. And the foot is still slightly swollen after an icing. But I'm confident I can run again tomorrow... still taking it easy. And for now, there is a hot bath, clean sheets, and an early bedtime in my immediate future. I am looking forward to all three!

Nite, nite!

Skipped/98: Tendinitis is a Jackass

Running does more than just shrink my boobs and build up my calves. It also clears my head. It is as though the forward momentum creates an open space in my brain to shake out the cloudy thoughts that distract me from my real priorities. The drama and the superficial details of my day just fly away with the dust and scatter in my wake. And in doing so... my runs always end with a sense of resolve and peace. So I count on my runs. And when something is on my mind... I run extra. I run all the confusion and frustration out of my system.

I have not run in 6 days. Today will be day 7. My legs itch and my brain is on fire.

I have about 60 reasons to run. About 60 things I need to get out of my head. Little things like preparing for interviews, prioritizing my to do list, and casual emails that somehow become complete mind fucks.

But I'm not allowed to run. Because I have tendinitis.

Apparently rest is important. You should train for 5 weeks and take a week off. Then repeat. I've been running 5 days a week for... at least 4 months. My only down time was the 5 workouts I sporadically missed over those 4 months. Oops?

I'm hoping this will not become a chronic problem and that the rest will actually be enough that I can continue with my training unhindered. (I promise to incorporate rest! After my Half.) But in the interim, I just keep cursing my foot and wandering aimlessly around my house looking for something that can empty my head and make my body sweat. Here is what I've come up with: Dancing like a maniac in the shower. And sometimes in the kitchen while I wash dishes. It's only a matter of time before my neighbors walk by and have me hauled off to Catawba.

And while the dancing, along with the lip singing into my hair dryer, shampoo bottle, or spatula, is certainly enjoyable... it's not the same as an 8 mile journey that cleanses my being of anything old and tired and stale. I'm antsy. My intention was to sit down and write a sarcastic diatribe about the trials and tribulations of an athlete suffering from a painless swollen toe. How difficult it is to sit around the house and care not about bed times, hydration, or fueling your body. How awful vacations from routine and discipline can be.... But in the end, I'm just too distracted by the nonsense in my head to entertain you.

Tomorrow I get to lace up and take it easy for a 20 mins. Never have I craved a couple junk miles the way I am pining for tomorrow... And I'm praying that my toe and foot cooperate. It'll be touch and go: my toe is still not back to its normal size. But  I can't go another week like this.

My Passion? Say What?

So this post has nothing to do with running. Sorry. It has to do with something more important: Me!

Recently I was asked, "What are you most passionate about?" I scoffed at the question initially and thought, "I'm too old to have passions; I have a couple hobbies. Nothing that I'm 'passionate' about... who has time for that?" I told this person nothing came to mind and rambled off a couple interests like running or wine.

I thought about it later and it occurred to me that I should have passion! And tonight it hit me. Hard. My Virginia Tech volunteers. Of course, they aren't really "mine," I don't own them... they are people after all. But I claim them. Like a proud momma. They are a group of people who choose to do the right thing because it is the right thing to do. They are not afraid to ask for the world because they know they've earned it. And they have. They do not accept no for an answer and failure is not an option. When you meet them, you understand why they produce the #1 Collegiate Relay in the Nation year after year. It is because they handle themselves with poise, never brag, and believe in a legacy of talented individuals who insist on setting the bar higher and serving their community.

These young ladies and gentleman have no competition. They are in a league of their own. So like any talented runner... they compete with themselves. They compete against those that came before them; each determined to leave a larger footprint behind. They are humble. They are wise. And they have the energy of a firecracker! They also each have a personal story that connects them with cancer. Stories that break your heart. Stories that motivate me to.... run a little longer. Send another fundraising email. Get to work on time. Work long weekends. Stories that motivate them to change the world.

And let there be no doubt! These students will and are changing the world. The world you know is a better place because of these students. I believe that and I know that. And I have the honor of spending a couple hours with them each week.

There are no words to describe their vision or their passion for what they do. And they don't just possess passion. They bred it. It is tangible and contagious in the VT Relay atmosphere. And its more than passion! Its genuine love for their family and one another. It's a capacity to care for someone in a way you can't imagine. It's like being a Hokie - indescribable to those that aren't.

Have you seen that poster with the phrase, "If you can dream it, you can achieve it?" Well, ok. It's a profound concept, right? How often do you make your dreams come true from day to day? Not your goals... your dreams. This is not a profound idea at Virginia Tech. It's everyday reality. They make their dreams come true everyday. They dream big and fight for their vision. They are remarkable. And they are my passion.




Wednesdays are terrible days for me. They start early and I'm never home before 10pm in the Fall. 11pm in the Spring - if I'm lucky. They are brutal. And I dread them. Until I get to VT and it never fails... I always drive home excited about my job and life and full of passion. Yup, passion. I've got it! For my students. I'm on pins and needles waiting to see what they do with their lives and honored - really, honored - to watch them grow and develop over the course of the year. I could gush about them all day! And night... And I have. Because... someone should. And I'm grateful to have found my passion.

If anyone asks... I'm a Hokie at heart.

(This would be a good time to help my volunteers... and myself... in our fight for a world without cancer. Click here to donate! Please!! I'm so close to $1,000!!)

29/98 - Running in Raleigh!

So I've run in Roanoke... and on the Siesta Key beaches... and now: Raleigh, NC!

This weekend I took a getaway to the shallow south of NC and refused once again to let anything get in the way of my training. (I'm so hardcore these days!) Following the advice of a local..  I went for a run at Lake Johnson. It was beautiful! Despite a gloomy day, the paved route around the lake took my through the woods, over a bridge, and I never lost sight of the water.

 I encountered kids, fellow runners, dogs (including an Aussie puppy!!) and even some bikers. It was encouraging to be surrounded by all the other active people and the new terrain included a couple of hills which was a new challenge for this track addict. The loop was about 3.5 miles and it is really engaging to check out the new scenery. Not know what to expect around the next bend keeps you thinking about every thing other than the wheezy, gaspy sounds coming from your throat.

What I am coming to appreciate about running that it is something I can do anywhere. I can take something which is really... kind of repetitive and dull... and morph it into an adventure by changing the scenery up a bit.  I am anticipating that my race won't be the end of my running nor the end of my blog. Travel runner here I come! The list of trails and paths in this world is long and that means I have lots of adventures to look forward to...

24/98 - Something About a Man in Uniform....

Attention Roanoke Runners!

Are you looking for some new scenery? Tired of the mountain view? Looking for something with a tighter end? Perhaps you want a route that stimulates more than just your legs? I've got you covered.

An early morning appearance at the nearby high school track started like any other run... me, my shoes, and a 5 minute warm up. Then all of a sudden... all these cars started to roll into MY parking lot! I was immediately offended by the audacity of these fools! Who did they think they were invading MY running space?

Then they got out of the car.... Helllllloooooooo Roanoke's Finest!

That's right. I shared the track with an Army unit as they completed their PT tests. And managed to sneak a couple pictures like the creeper that I am.

My first thought? Yum.

My second thought? I'm so glad I wore leggings today and not sweats....

Did I mention that some of these gentlemen were kind enough to wear shorts? Which provided an excellent view of their... assets? There is just something about a sturdy, lean, and proud pile of man in dog tags to make 5.5 miles fly by...

I have to admit: I was sad when they finished. In fact I considered writing a letter to their supervisor (Obama, of course) and suggesting that the running portion of PT tests include an extra mile. I just feel strongly that it will help the nation in the event of a Zombie Apocalypse... and most likely send a message to the terrorists. Right? I mean... it would send a message to me: Scout tracks used for PT tests. Invest in spandex.

Now I know what you're thinking.... these guys are asked to put their lives on the line and it is incredibly rude to objectify them in this way! I mean... there's that.

But let's be honest..

I was rockin leggings, out pacing the slackers, and the only girl to be seen. They saw my wedgey coming way before I did. And I'm ok with that. In fact... their next PT test is on my calendar with a reminder to invest in spandex. :-D

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